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Marijuana Goldfish Crackers – Edible Review

Who doesn’t love Goldfish crackers? When I was recently at my local dispensary, I saw Marijuana Goldfish Crackers, and just had to try them.

I was planning a long distance trip, and since I use medical marijuana to deal with the effects of nerve damage I received in a workplace injury, and the place i was traveling to is not as accommodating as California, I decided that marijuana edibles would be a good way to medicate while on the road.
As a word of warning, unlike many marijuana edibles I have tried, these marijuana goldfish crackers have a strong marijuana aroma. (As an interesting side note, I was stopped, and had my car searched by a k-9 unit along the way. the police overlooked the goldfish crackers, but I am unsure if that was the dogs mistake, or the officers)
Upon arriving at a hotel on the road, i decided to give the marijuana goldfish crackers a try. I have to admit that I changed the packaging on the crackers, and wasn’t sure what the suggested serving size was. I had a two handful,s, and then proceeded to watch some tv. a few moments later, I inadvertently had another couple handfulls of the marijuana crackers. Immediately I knew I had made a mistake.
Now to put things into perspective, i had been driving for many hours at this point and was suffering from some serious sleep deprivation. Within an hour of my initial dose, I began to feel the effects of the marijuana goldfish crackers. These marijuana edibles had the effect of a very strong Indica.

I felt the heavy Indica head high and heavy eyelids (although I had just driven 40 hours with only 2 half hour naps… so those heavy eyelids might not have been due to the marijuana goldfish crackers). The muscle relaxation was intense, and I was quickly ready to fall into a much needed sleep. Unfortunately for me, I had some work to do, so I forced myself to stay awake a bit longer. Aware that I had taken a bit to much, I wandered down to the hotel vending machines, and got some sugar.

For those that are unaware, sugar will bring you down from a marijuana high.

As I was working and waiting for the sugar to reduce the effects, I began to notice the mild hallucinations of dancing shadows out of the corner of my eye. Again, this was likely more due to the sleep deprivation then to the actual marijuana goldfish crackers, it was enough to make me decide to put my work down, and go to sleep. I slept soundly through the night, and awoke the next morning refreshed.

If you see the marijuana goldfish crackers in a store near you, I would recommend you give them a try. Just be careful how much you take.

Do you love Goldfish crackers? Do you love Marijuana? Check out our review of Marijuana Goldfish Crackers!

Respect the Goldfish: An Edibles Cautionary Tale

I (barely) remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday in November and I was fresh off the plane in LA. I had my shades on, was rockin’ my Vans, and I could practically smell the cannabis in the air. I knew I was home. My boy picked me up from the airport and we headed to a friend’s house to scoop up, where we were greeted with an eighth of indica and a huge pack of cannabis-infused goldfish crackers. I thought, “Oh yeah, it’s game time baby, let’s get it.” We smoked a joint and a blunt. I was feeling good. Perfectly fine.

But the goldfish? Those are a different story.

They all hit at once and knocked me on my ass like a Mayweather sucker punch.

I’ve never been big on edibles for the simple fact that I can’t control the high. I don’t like knowing that if I eat a brownie now, it might hit me in 30 minutes or 8 hours later. It’s too much pressure. On this particular day though, I decided, “Eh, fuck it.” Before I started eating, my homeboy said be careful cause they’ll sneak up on you. I was like “Alright,” but I was really like, “King Cannabis doesn’t need your advice, don’t ever play yourself.”

I snacked on them throughout the day and nothing really happened. We went around the city, got a meal, had some drinks, then went back to his apartment before getting ready to go back out that night. At this point, I’m like 35 goldfish deep, feeling invincible and completely unaffected.

Next thing I know, BAM!

They all hit at once and knocked me on my ass like a Mayweather sucker punch. I underestimated the goldfish and they showed me a proper welcome to LA.

You should’ve seen how ugly my face looked when I woke up. It was one of those pass-outs where you regain consciousness and there’s all kinds of line imprints on your face from sleeping a weird way. I was knoooocked.

And the worst part of it all: I WAS STILL HIGH AS HELL WHEN I WOKE UP. HOW, SWAY?!

The high was so terrible that I started calling edibles “Regrettibles™”. However, I wouldn’t say there was nothing but darkness at the end of the tunnel. I definitely learned a few things from this experience:

Don’t Get Cocky About Your Size

Being a big dude (or woman, because we’re about gender equality around these parts) is still no match for 400mg (not counting the blunts and joints) of THC in a four-hour span. Just because you can press your weight in metal doesn’t mean you can eat your weight in cannabis. There’s no trophies to be won here. You’re totally fine with the minimum dose.

The high was so terrible that I started calling edibles “Regrettibles.”

You’ll Sleep Like a Pile of Bricks

Edible sleep is some of the best sleep one can get. Sure, I was still high as hell when I woke up, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t rested and rejuvenated. I felt like a million bitcoins. If you ever have an obligation you need to sleep through because you don’t have a good enough reason to cancel, smash out a bag of goldies and explain yourself later.

You’ll Be Down But Not Out

I’m truly not a fan of edibles and probably shouldn’t ever mess with them…even though I definitely will. I committed to the life and everything that comes with it, baby.

Moral of the story: Respect the goldfish crackers, or any other edible you choose to ingest. Those warnings on the bags aren’t just for shits and gigs, they’re telling you, “Hey, I know you really pride yourself on how much THC you can ingest, but maybe take it a little easy on these? You probably won’t, but when you wake up the next day in a complete storm of Where Am I And What Happened, just know we told you so.”

Think you've built up enough of a tolerance to handle some potent edibles? Think again. Dante Jordan shares his very "regrettible" experience with infused goldfish crackers.